1 post tagged “financial recovery”

"...and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save."
__Mary Oliver

Working on my own behalf. What I learn from working-class people and poc is how to think in places I previously couldn't think. I have some places I can think outside of the oppression that I share with them if they like. So it's a good match.

What I mean is, I cleaned the bottom part of my house today and got most of a financial report ready to review.

I'm announcing that I'm in debt and I have no business spending on parties or pretending I have cash because I don't.

So, it's not so much a confessional as a beginning of living differently. And I go in and out of being grouchy, bored, angry and many different things. It comes again to the luxury of these feelings and how it's actually not about me. Yet I am accustomed to it being about me.

It's okay. I mean, it's just not going to be part of the solution when racism is over in our structures.

I mean, each of us gets to take up space and breathe the air and have fun. It's just that. Each of us. Not just me. Not just you.

Well, this has been helpful for me.

I'm chewing on a talk I had with a guy who is an anti-racism advocate yet he's suddenly, for me, a waker-upper for anti-racism activists.

A couple things he said which stood out for me.

His friends of color, if given the choice, would much rather have racism eliminated in society's structures such as prisons, and education and housing opportunities than for he, himself, to be perfectly free of any racist conditioning.

I find myself smiling thinking about that. There's an obvious retort to that but still -- why not just savor that for a bit. Ain't it the truth?

The other? Ending racism in ME is again, all about me.

And another? He thinks everyone really thinks they are good. Even the massively destructive folk. They are certain they are good says he.

This, of course, flies in the face of my usual rant that racism comes from folks who feel reeeeely badly about themselves.

And a concern of his which strikes fear in my heart (:)) That even I might think I'm good and I'm actually not.

That certainly seems to be the case at the moment. lol No but seriously, it's sort of like having someone hold a mirror up to your face and you suddenly see the places you couldn't see before. Like what it's like for folks who just meet you. What does your upcoming center really mean to you? And what are you willing to do to see it happen?

Simultaneously realizing that you can't fall apart when someone doesn't like you or if you feel misunderstood. At a neighborhood potluck last night, speaking with a woc who said she was criticized by other black folks (basically for being so pro-active and positive). I realized she didn't get the luxury of being devastated for a year like I often do. Hmmm. *takes a nice deep breath* Yeah, it rolls off her back. My thought is that is where I'm headed. Because I won't carry around these luxuries which actually stop me from participating in my own life. She's living. Continuously. There is no time out.

Love you all!!  Blessings. Good night. I'm back and far less concerned about cohesiveness and being an expert.